Friday, 6 April 2012

My Top Tips For Slovenly Mother's Wardrobe

I really would like to explore the virtues of having a slovenly mothers wardrobe and at the moment I'm finding it difficult to find any!  There are plenty of options available for slovenly mothers and it doesn't take too much work to find something that would resemble something that you wouldn't make you look like a yummy mummy or a MILF (heard recently at the school gate but not in my direction!! ).  I mean, who wants to look like a scrummy mummy, or a lovely mummy?  Despite your best efforts to remain slovenly, you will find on occasion that the attire you are wearing will elevate you to the position of "neat mummy" or "smart mummy" but in a few short hours your real self will shine through....dirt an all!

Here are my top tips for maintaining a "Slovenly Wardrobe"

  • Make sure all item of clothing have been kicked around the floor a few times.  Get the baby to wipe their nose on your shoulder, and ask the kids to wipe their hands down the front of any white shirt.
  • Take the dogs for a walk in your smartest jeans.  Mud will be displayed at the bottom of the hems and paw marks on the fronts will ensure that the dirt will become engrained on the thighs if they jump up at any time.
  • Clean the windows in your cream merino wool long sleeved jumper.  The grey water from the windows will transfer onto the cuffs of the jumper.  It will never wash out properly and that expensive woolen item will remain for ever a "slovenly mother" item.
  • Paint the hall way (or anything for that matter), in your black linen trousers. Ensure you either brush up against the newly painted white woodwork and make sure you wipe your hands on your backside. Black T-shirts are also very handy as a method for cleaning hands.
  • When cooking, DO NOT WEAR AN APRON.  This is to make sure the grease splashes and baking mishaps are transferred onto all items of clothing...never to be removed again. 
  • Brush your hair...once!  Apply make-up in the morning (before 6 am) to ensure all traces have melted by  9 am or at least to look like you've applied it the night before.  Even better, don't use a mirror! You should have mastered the art of applying it by now without even looking! 



So...a few simple tips to keep you in slovenly mummy's tip top shape!  I mean, who wants to look perfect all of the time?

Photocredit - adamr from www.freedigitalphotos.net

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