This is the wrong way to parent....

I'm not perfect.  I wish I was. If I was I'd be like Sookie (True Blood, anyone?). I'd be pleasant, sweet and nice.  But I'm not.  Well, sometimes I am. Nice, I mean. People think I'm nice. People say I'm nice.  But deep, deep down I must be a bit mean because I sometime do and say things that no normal person would ever do...because it appeals to my dark sense of humour.  That's not to say I'm not normal. I so am.   I think my children have picked up on this trait and I think they could be developing it themselves. Oh dear. They're in for a rough ride.

The other day as I was picking up the kids from school, Mimi and I were having a discussion about whether or not her "bestest friend" could come home that night to play.  They'd decided between themselves and that was pretty much that as far as she was concerned. We'd a million and one things to do, the least not being a pile of reports to write in the hope that I could keep my job!

Well, Mimi clearly didn't like being told "Not tonight, honey.  Maybe another night.".

She took her hand out of mine and said calmly,

"I don't like you. Everyone hates you. None of my friends like you. And their mummy's don't like you either.  I've seen them staring at you."

Ever been faced with such a declaration?  I looked down at this dear, sweet looking girl believing that this could possibly be true. Mimi does not lie. I hurried out the school gates not catching any one's eye and feeling their eyes boring into my back.

Which brings me swiftly onto my next point...Me!

I used to tell the boys.

"I'm sorry boys, but when Brad Pitt knocks on the door...Moma's outta here!"

They would weep and wail,

"Noooo, mummy please. Don't leave daddy."

"Sorry, boys..that's it. Mummy loves Brad..more than daddy...gotta go!"

See what I mean...I'm evil.  Now, they know there is not a snowballs chance in hell in that ever happening. In fact they find it uproariously funny.

Finn says,
 "Oh you have something over Angelina....Moma, it isn't going to happen!".

When Bart was a mere babe in arms, BH and I would prop him up in bed with us and we would read him "Fungus the Bogey man".  It's a pop-up book with all sorts of grisly visuals.  Well, we thought it was funny at the time!

And maybe sometimes I'm a little graphic.  Getting them to put their seatbelts on was a nighmare.  They'd struggle and kick. Telling them that "The policeman will come and tell you off", didn't cut it. In the end it was a detailed description of what would happen to them if they didn't. Mean? Possibly, but I never had another problem with the belts.

We also had "The Cry Baby Man". Each time one of the boys would have a tantrum, cry, whine or whinge (and they were the biggest tantrum throwers ever...believe me!) to get a toy or their own way....."Oh look, there's The Cry Baby Man"...I know, I know...that's evil...but it really worked...and it was cheaper than buying that toy.

So, this morning I asked Mimi what she meant about  "...everyone hates you!". It had obviously been playing on my mind and nobody likes to be "hated" do they?

She looked at me blankly for a moment then said,

"Oh mummy...I was only joking!"


  1. oh heavens, it's a strange thing isn't it, children are like animals, they can smell our fears, and no doubt your extremely perceptive little girl has already picked up that no-one likes to be to be stared at, or not be part of the group, and the little beastie inside popped out with those words. Just take a deep breath, and let it roll off your back. And then have another deep breath and perhaps a glass of wine. And think about karma!
    PS - have just tagged you in my latest post xx

  2. The beastie is always popping out with that one! Heyho, I've got skin as thick as my bottom, so I go with the rolls...serves me right for being so flippant!

  3. What a bleak sense of humour, wow (now why didn't I ever think of saying that when I was a kid?)! Good thing for thick skin, indeed.

    Lovely to discover your blog recently. I've mentioned you in a post:

  4. Once again you have me laughing out loud at the laptop!!! I thought it was only my sisters and I that had 'the evil humour' but I'm very excited to see you do too!!!
    I love how you write!

  5. Oh Katy, we're "evil", then some! It's good to know we're not the only "normal" ones too. My kinda normal, I mean! x

  6. very funny.
    I think the Brad thing is perfectly justified!

    I also loved your 5 things - especially the bit that keeps you awake at night (me too! I say alsorts of things because it makes me laugh - only to discover it's only me laughing! duh).


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