Looking at the kids, I know that they deserve more than I'm giving them now. I've been away for most of their little lives, relying on the support of my (sometimes) fabulous aupairs, family and friends. I've missed birthdays, sports days, plays, parents evenings....and no-one blames me for it, except myself!
I burnt Mimi on the arm the other day, whilst we were baking cookies (out of a packet...shame on me!)...of course it wasn't deliberate but I wept for the pain I had caused. Mimi, was as cool as ever.
"But mummy, " she countered " you didn't do it on purpose. Can I have a Polly Pocket?"
Of course, I agreed, which then led to Bart asking for a new bike, and Finn asking for an increase in his pocket money. I told Finn that as he didn't get pocket money he may have been better off asking for something more attainable such as the Ipad 2...which I would have asked for!
Last week, Finn had to go to hospital for an MRI scan. He'd been getting headaches for the past few months for no actual reason.
We'd been through the whole rigmarole of "Is anything bothering you?" "Are you drinking enough" "Is anyone being mean to you?" "Do you find school work difficult?" and getting sis to check (just thought he might talk to someone else) to no avail. No real reason, so it must be medical. Our fab Dr asked us to keep a record of the headaches and the only constant in it all, was that they were in the morning, and dissipated by lunchtime.
Miriam was certain that "Finn, no like school...just lazy, like husband!" Miriam is convinced that BH does nothing all day, has a fine old time "wining and dining", should empty the dishwasher and when he disappears into his office is obviously playing solitaire!
Dr decided to send Finn for an MRI (more, I'm sure to appease me...but hey better safe than sorry). So, on the day off we went; Finn armed with my ipod and all his fav "choons"; me, armed with the constant feeling of doom in the pit of my stomach. The nurses were pretty and engaged Finn in a way I'd never seen before. They were interested in him and he chatted easily. Me? I couldn't talk, let alone join in with their lively conversations. After the scan, the nurse told me that they could see nothing untoward and they'd send the info on to my Dr. All painless and so easy. My mind at rest, I went to find Finn who was busy flirting with the pretty nurses.
"Well Sweetie," I said seriously while Finn looked at me with his huge green eyes,
"they couldn't find your brain!"
His eyes darted around the room trying to assimilate the information. The nurses started to giggle. His face darkened angrily, then he kicked me in the shin!! Ouch!
I've been lucky, but it could have been so different. So, my last business trip which spanned 10 days "down under" found me working out how I can be there...all of the time! I've had little dips into self employment throughout my life, but I know now is the time. I have a plan. It may not work out, but I think I'm heading in the right direction.