Saturday, 10 September 2011

I am the Queen of Inappropriate Comments

.....and I wish I could keep my gob shut!

My nephew (BB) is currently staying with us, while sis has moved (albeit temporarily) to foreign climes. I have been charged with his development and keeping a check (as mummies do) on his eating habits. BB is 22, and an absolute delight. He has become a role model for our 2 young thugs and a big brother to Mimi.  He is sensitive, polite, respectful, funny and kind and has become my favourite house guest...ever! If my two turn out anything remotely like him I will be absolutely delighted. It is hugely unlikely though, as their mother is continues to tread the boards between inappropriate and unacceptable behaviour most times, while BB's mother appears to have done it all correct as laid down in the "Mummies Handbook" which appears I have never read...or even heard of.


I have come to this sudden realisation while sitting down with BB one evening. I am the master of quick quips and he often asks for my response for a witty comeback when replying to the many texts he receives. He received a message from a potential employer into which he had been copied. He wanted to send a witty response...and with me assisting, we did!  Wrong move!  As soon as the message was sent BB realised it wasn't a good idea, and the silence and clenched jaw sent me running to my room with my head under my pillow, damning and berating myself for my damn,big mouth. He didn't lose his job before he had started it, but possibly could have.To have this effect on someone I care about has made me understand the damage I can wreck in a few well (or badly) chosen words.



I must realise by now that I AM NOT FUNNY but potentially very dangerous. But I keep doing it. I'm very good in polite company, but when I'm "with my own" I let loose and tell it like it is...when you can see my expression, when you know me well you'd realise it's meant in humour...but when written in bold..it sounds positively evil!

Now you'd think I'd learn from my own personal experiences (very nearly lost my own job) and close shaves..but oh no...I carry on thinking I have complete autonomy when it comes to "saying what I think"...I should stop and listen to my inner voice which tells me "No...don't do it...remember last time?" but I don't. I just carry on regardless.

Ma told me of an incident with an ex sister in law, who I wasn't too fond of. She was in hospital and was recovering from an operation. My response was
 "Oh she didn't die then?"...see..not funny!

Another occasion involved a baby...a beautiful bouncing, chubby baby.  A baby that had caused no harm (yet) to anyone. As it sat gurgling on it's mothers knee, I noted it resemblance to another baby I knew.  I wasn't derogatory about the baby I knew but I couldn't remember it's name. "Ohh look," I said to Ma, "that baby looks like that blah, blahs baby".  The comments reached the ears of the person I was referring to and I have been banned from contacting said baby as it was believed I had said "Look at that fat baby...looks like blah blah's mother"  I didn't say that, but hearsay has a way of changing to suit a particular purpose.


I once commented on a particular persons blog with what I thought was a witty ditty in response to a post.  The said person sent me a private email, asking why I thought it was necessary to comment in such a manner! I attempted to placate said person, admitting to inappropriate comments at all times, it was made in jest and I promised to take it seriously in the future and was sorry for offending them, blah, blah, blah. I wasn't really, but I said it anyway. Said person has now deleted me as a friend from twitter, along with several of her other friends and now my dwindling "friend list" means I'm losing friends and making enemies.

During a social event at the school I mistook the wine for Ribena and drank copious amounts to quell the nervousness. It was the "Race Night" and our table against all odds...won!  I don't normally drink  but this occasion was new and I felt a little bit out of my depth as most of the parents were  musicians, fabulous actors dahling (sic), or amazingly accomplished CEO's  Our table tried to out do the "fabulist" group by being loud and raucous! No excuse for my behaviour though.

On winning, I was sent up to receive the prize. As the headmaster handed over the Vouchers for a Spa day, I asked if it were possible to "take the massages en mass?". The headmaster raised his eyebrow and replied, "As you wish!" whilst twirling his moustache .  Every now and then the headmaster gives me a wink and I run for cover, quivering in fear. My  appearance on stage has now ensured that any appearances are fleeting and I wonder if I have damaged any chances I may have had in trying to get on the parents committee, along with damaging the prospects of my children. Thankfully BH laughs at my episodes.  They amuse him.  He tells me I'm a "good" person and that's why he adores me!

What have you ever said that has landed in you in big doo doos? Have you inadvertently offended someone with your more than frank comments...or am I all alone here?

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