Wednesday, 21 November 2012

Once in a lifetime....

We're heartbroken.

I knew it was coming, but I didn't know when and I didn't know how. 

Yesterday, we lost our beloved Chubba.

Now I know he wasn't human, but we loved him...and he loved us and this makes it easy for me to say.

The kids keep crying. BH wells up constantly, and me...well, I'm next to useless at the moment.  I know it'll pass.  I know we were lucky to have such a faithful friend.  I know we gave him a loving home, but I'll miss his head on my knee. I'll miss the feel of his soft head under my hands, his silky ears and his thumping tail.  I'll miss having to step over him at every turn, I'll miss the black dense hair on the floor, I'll miss walking peacefully with him. Chubba was that one of a kind dog.  The one you know that only comes along once in your lifetime.  That perfect fit. He gave love fiercely but never demanded.


But I'll miss him. My special boy. My beautiful boy.


Monday, 5 November 2012

Order! Order!

I feel like I'm riding against the waves. The harder I push the further I fall behind and it's an awful long way to get past the foaming peaks...and my arms hurt!  Everything needs doing but my priority is to sit down, smoke a fag, and look out of the window at the blue sky....is it any wonder I'm being pushed closer to the shoreline?

This morning I've been trying to sort out my google reader.  I have a zillion blogs to read and I'm trying to get them in some order.  The first few I've looked at haven't posted since 2009.  Do I un-subscribe or do I keep those little gems in my little gems folder? I know google reader is so passe but I reluctant to change, and anyway I have no idea what to replace it with or how to do it!  I'm loath to do anything that means I have to think and when I do...brain freeze! I really don't want to offend anyone. Considering I don't know any of them personally, it's all getting a little bit too deep for my liking and it's freaking me out!

There are a million things that need sorting out.  I think I may need a life coach..even better, a cleaner! BH won't consider a life coach...he thinks I should have it all sorted by now, but if I can't get my brain in order what hope is there for the rest of it all?

So my life space is in complete disarray along with my hard-drive..and my google reader... and will be for the foreseeable future cos I just can't be arsed anymore!

Sunday, 8 July 2012

Beauty on a Budget - Home made bath preparations

I've had quite a few messages asking for more of my home-made preparations....who'd've thunk it! Apparently they're getting more hits than my titillating tales of the yuckymum homestead!

Funny thing though, just as I was flicking through my books, out dropped a picture of Simon le Bon!  I did have a penchant for him for a while, but I had no idea I tore out paper cuttings of him. I'm pleased to say I outgrew him!



Home-made Bath Preparations

Grain Bath -  for rough skin

1/2 cup barley
1/2 cup rice
1/2 cup bran
3/4 litre of water
Soak the grains for approx one hour, then simmer for 1 hour,
Strain.  
Use approx 2 cups for each bath.


Mint Bath - to refresh

1 cup of pine needles (you can pick these up on your walks)
1 cup of peppermint leaves
2 drops of rosemary oil.
Mix the dry ingredients.
Add the oil and stir well.  Put into cheesecloth bags (or even a tied jay-cloth) and let it bob around in the water.  This should last for a few baths.

Let me know how you get on.  I have a ton more sitting around, waiting to see the light of day.  If there's anything you'd like to see here, just ask!


Thank you to:
Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net




Saturday, 7 July 2012

What about PMS or T - just don't f*@#ing ask!!

OK, so I haven't been around for a bit....sorry!   I've been uber busy organising life, and my little corner of me has suffered.  I've been lax and lazy. How I've missed my space! When stuff gets tough I tend to batten down the hatches and do a disappearing act.  I'm constantly berated for my lack of visibility (by my family), but it's the way I do it.

I'm lucky, though.
I don't suffer from depression.
I don't suffer from that overwhelming sense of despair, and I don't have the feeling  of continual impending doom. 
I suffer from anger.I suffer from irritation. And I suffer from compassion fatigue...and for a short time every month I become irrational. I cry. I'm angry and I blame the world, BH and the kids. A simple question or request becomes the most arduous of tasks.  I moan and groan about it and everyone wonders...for a short time...whether I'm completely bonkers. In short, I suffer from PMS or PMT or what ever the fcuk it's called.........so do not bother even looking at me!

I've spoken with a few mums at the school gate and I know I'm not alone. Marion says she cries at EastEnders if a child falls over. She feels their pain as if they were one of her own.  She then weeps and wails for the world....and she doesn't even like EastEnders.

Jude has told me it has impacted on her working life.  Jude is a professional woman. She works hard and she loves the hustle of the business world. Yet, for a short period each month she closes her office door as she knows there are times, she'll regret stepping outside of her office.  Others have been on the receiving end of her wrath and she has felt the fallout from her PMS.

She's been taken off a project as her outbursts over misunderstandings placed stress on everyone, not just on her team, but others working in tandem with the same goal in mind.   Business aside, she realised that irritations that would normally be a little bit irksome are blown into insurmountable obstacles and Jude can't take it! She shouts and she screams.  Everyone is inept, and no one can do the job well enough.  Outside those five days Jude runs the show. "I don't know what happens" she said, "I know there's no reason for my anger and those little irritations become unacceptable errors. My judgement seems to be impaired when dealing with others.  If anyone asks if it's the time of the month...I literally eat them!"

 According to the NHS website:

"The exact cause of PMS is not fully understood. However, it is thought to be linked to the changing levels of hormones in the body during a woman's menstrual cycle.  Certain lifestyle factors such as lack of exercise, stress and eating a poor diet are also thought to aggravate the symptoms of PMS." (For more information:  PMS).  The site suggested medication and/or counselling! WTF?  If anyone suggested to me that I needed counselling they wouldn't see into next week.  I'd take the drugs by the van load if it meant that I'd be able to fit into skinnies! I get so bloated that it's the black "fat dress" for me, and forget about exercise - I can barely get into the car when PMT kicks in.

Simon, a friend of BH coaches rugby.  He's a big bear of a man who takes no prisoners. He commands respect from his squad, and is hard on those who fail to deliver. He also has a wife who suffers from PMT. Over a beer, a couple of weeks ago, he spoke with BH about her. He was at the end of his tether.  She's a nice woman, who to all intents appears calm and in control. For a week each month she loses it completely.  She hits him. She bites and scratches him. She has also spat in his face. When it's over, she's contrite and ashamed, yet she's completely unable to stop herself when it happens.  BH asked why he didn't leave her.  Simon replied that he loved her. He said "She's reluctant to visit the Dr, as she feels it's normal, but I know it isn't. I'm not sure how much I can take!"

Extreme cases I know, and I'm thankful I only just get mildly irritated. The impact of my bad behaviour has me running to my office.  It's far easier to thump out a few paragraphs of anger directed at the world (woe is me an' all that!) than to throw vile words and looks at the object of my rage.  After a few hours, the anger has subsided and I can get on with cooking the supper without wanting to chuck a vial of belladonna into the mix! 


So, just how do you deal with your PMT?  

Wednesday, 4 July 2012

Mummy Porn??!!!

Mummy porn or Fifty Shades of Shite?  It's never going to win the Pulitzer Prize (nor am I!), nor is a great work of literary fiction but it's the fastest selling book...ever!  Beyond Harry Potter and the DaVinci code this book has got our nation of women chattering, reading and debating. Fifty Shades of Grey has taken the nation by storm.

Hmmmm...are we repressed or do we just like crap books?  To be honest I can't understand what the fuss is all about.  I know I'm going to get a slating here but after reading the first few chapters I've put it down and can't be bothered to pick it up again.

Sam Brick ("godI'msobeautifuleveryonehatesme") is at it again but this time I kind of agree with her.  

"Giving it this name of mummy porn, using this kind of safe, middle-class word, makes women think it's okay to read it."

We argue that men's smutty magazines on the top shelf demean women, yet by being able to easily buy something so obviously and clearly porn are we encouraging sado-masochism or sexual deviation?  Are we becoming desensitised to sex?   Sex and violence is largely covered in the trilogy, but what makes it so acceptable? What boundary will next be breached? Will the top shelf magazines come down a shelf? Will the  Red Hot TV programs be aired at teatime, whilst I'm whipping up the supper?  The book is widely available yet restrictions are placed on the display of  Porn magazines with warnings.

Most women have argued that it's only fiction; it's fantasy; it's escapism.  Most women state that once the power of the sex scenes wear off  the relationship between the two characters are far more appealing.  Would the book have the same power without the sex scenes?  If the sex scenes were taken out, wouldn't it be just a normal Mills and Boons type book? Would it have been as successful?  Part of me wonders, whether, once again we are falling for the great marketing tools and ploys that have made the book as successful as it is.   

One of the main reasons that the book has played a major part in it's own success, is, I think, down to the fact that women are cerebral thinkers, whereas men are visual.  Men like pictures...women like words!  Gosh, it all makes sense now! 



Now, ladies if you like a bit of literary porn may I suggest you read "The Story of O" by Pauline Reage.  The original tale of female submission, which includes all the whips, blindfolds and chains you could imagine.  Written in 1954, the erotic book was published, charges of obscenity brought against the publisher and although the charges were rejected by the courts, a publicity ban on the novel remained in place for many years.  A far better read and if I'm honest, far more erotic!!

.....and for your information I'm perfectly full-filled, thank you very much!

Edited to add: I'm not patronising or belittling anyone who enjoyed the romping read, but it just ain't for me!

Friday, 4 May 2012

Fashion Friday - What to wear?

I've been looking through magazines for guidance on what to wear this summer.  It's all brights and colours, which is a bit annoying as I only do black (or grey at a push!). It seems like the 90's  80's and the 50's are back!! What?  Do we take our pick? Can we mix and match?  Some of the advice was to use what you already have with one stating we should "wear your cardigan backwards, or wear your coat as a cape!  A good idea, I thought but when I tried it this morning on my jaunt with the dogs, the Caped Coat not only made me look like Superman, it also made me look as if I had no arms, it slipped off my shoulders and fell in the mud!  Just how practical is this advice, when you're hacking through the undergrowth with two bounding mutts or  with a trolley full of Cheerio's , toilet rolls and three rugruts screaming for sweets?

One useful tip was to "Revamp Old Faves".  I could certainly pull out my mothers old stuff, but I'm not sure her 50's style swimsuit has stood the test of time, and anyway, it  would probably make my legs resemble like sausages! I notice Paisley has made a come back, although I'm not sure that Ma's gear would  make the cut!  One particular dress that I found rather nice, but it's way out of the ball park (so far out, it's in another country), in terms of price, so I shall have to wait until I find it on ebay -I don't think so! But thank you anyway Stella McCartney for sharing such beauty at £1925 for the dress and £1945 for the jacket!

Another little tip that I picked up from perusing the mags, is those wonderful little peter pan collars that sit over your round neck jumpers or t-shirts!  What a find!  It's going to save me a fortune.  Zara do lace ones for £18 but various ones can be found much cheaper on ebay! Or you could make them yourselves, if you're nifty on the old sewing machine (which, alas I'm not!)

Zara Linen Jacket
And what's all this about silky bomber jackets?  I've now got to ditch the leather one, I spent a small fortune on which is the staple of my wardrobe! There is no way I want to look like Bucks Fizz or Brotherhood of Man and it seems that fashion is geared in this general direction. I'm not too keen on the yellow capri pants - yellow is so not my colour.  Did I tell you I like black? Anyway, I'm a bit of a fan of Zara.  Their linen knit range is so easy to wear, and I usually buy a t-shirt in each colour to wear over a vest! Their colours are muted blues, greys, white...and black! They've got some linen knit cardi's which drape beautifully...a perfect cover up for those like me with the bingo wings!



I did pop some pop some ginormous, dangly earrings into the basket, along with a heavy pearl bracelet and some wired headbands which stick up like Minnie mouse.  The earring got caught in the jumper and ripped a big(ger) hole in my ears and I nearly wept! The boys think I look odd in my wired headband, and BH says all I need is a set of rollers, red lipstick and some dungarees and I'd look like a land girl!

Even after this, I still can't find my "style"... maybe I'll just stick with the jeans and white t-shirt...so much simpler!

Monday, 30 April 2012

Flying with the kids

Image: Vlado / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
I do a fair amount of flying, and  having travelled over the holidays and watched parents struggle with their children in confined spaces think it's about time I offered some of my expertise and experience. It's worse than hard for many....it's a nightmare!!  On many of the flights I do, parents cope admirably, but here are a few tips I can offer that would make your journey all the sweeter and help you enjoy your journey.

Travel light.  It's all very well being laden like a pack horse, but do your self a favour...travel light! Take a light weight pushchair. The cheap telescopic ones can be pushed right up to the aircraft door. The larger your pram the less likely it will be loaded into the cabin. If your child is awake on disembarking, you can use the pushchair as a luggage cart, and if they're asleep...well, you have your pushchair.

Bulkhead Seats.Very often when you're travelling with an infant, under 2 years you may be able to book a bulkhead seat.  These seats are prime position for many of the frequently travelling public, as they have plenty of leg room and access is easy in and out of your seat.  My advice, if you can...book them..  If your airline of choice has an online booking facility which many do these days, do it the minute online check in starts.

Board First  Saves the aggro of fighting your way through the hoards to get to your seat, and gives you the chance to settle and find space for your bags.

Book the "Child meals".  The meals are often delivered  prior to the other passengers, so you can get the babes down to sleep before you eat.  These are not available on the day so it's best if you book them at least 24 hours before you go.  Better still, bring some food with you, as long as it's not liquid. I make sandwiches for my lot (which are usually munched on, the minute we get in the car!), but if you can pack a few goodies for the plane, all the better.  I also take empty water bottles, so that they can be re-filled once on board. Take a few items to keep them occupied.  Lightweight, or stuff they can use and leave on-board.  "Trunki's" are amazing for holding all the little bits and pieces they may need and they can pull them along themselves!

Car seats.  Most airlines allow car seats, but as these have to be placed in a seat you may have to pay the full fare for them.

Cots and seats.  The ones provided by the airlines aren't suitable and are not safe if the seat belt signs go on.  I know it can be a hassle to take them out if they're asleep, but really, would you be happy leaving them in them if it gets bumpy.  I know I wouldn't.  Babies, fall asleep quickly especially if it's bumpy, and if you do it quickly they won't even noticed they've been moved. Don't be tempted to cover them totally in a blanket, to block out the light. They will sleep...I promise!

Don't stress!   This is really important.  If you do, it's likely that your kids will sense it and kick off! If they do, stay calm.  It's very rare that babies and kids cry through out the flight, and if they do...tough!

Make sure you take nappies, and dried milk.  Find out which toilets can accommodate you and your children.  Some are larger than others and some have a baby changing table.

If you're really concerned about anything, just ask the crew.  They'll put your mind at ease and are generally good for a chat. 


And....enjoy your flight.  It's easier and less hassle than you think it may be!

Tuesday, 17 April 2012

Beauty on a Budget - Homemade Cleansers




Right, you lot, I'm on a roll here!  Here's another couple to try.

Most of the cleansers on the market these days are made mainly from water.  The other stuff printed on the label I have no idea about, but it all looks pretty dodgy to me!  I have a drawer full of cleansers but rarely use them as sometimes, something in them makes me break out in all kinds of skin allergies.

I've started using my own recipes now, and for the most part they're easy to make and I soak them in cotton wool and leave them in the fridge. Lovely and cool to use when you need them.  They seem to make a difference and clean off most of the make up, although I'm going to have to try and find one that removes the dreaded mascara. 

If you're a vegan or have an allergy to dairy, you could use almond milk, or any of the non-diary products you normally use in your tea!


Homemade Cleansers

Herbal Cleansing Milk

2 tablespoons of elder flowers
1/4 pint buttermilk

Slowly boil the flowers in milk for half an hour.  
Cover and leave to soak for about 2 hours.
Strain and leave in the refrigerator.

Yogurt and Lemon Cleansing Milk

1 tablespoon of natural yogurt
1 teaspoon of lemon juice

Mix together and use.  Make fresh for each use.
 

Oatmeal Cleanser (scrubbing cleanser)

1 tablespoon of oatmeal
2-3 tablespoons of milk or cream

Grind your oatmeal  to a powder (don't use instant!) 
Add the milk or cream to make a stiff paste - you may need more than stated.
Rub on...then rinse off.



If you try them...let me know how you get on!

Photo credit: Image: chrisroll / FreeDigitalPhotos.net


Tuesday, 10 April 2012

Beauty on a Budget - Homemade Hand Cream

When I was a kid I would be found either plucking all the petals from my Ma's prized roses or breaking off huge swathes of blossom from the most fragrant bushes I could find and mixing them with pond water in an attempt to preserve and bottle their scent. I would crush the dandelions and buttercups into pastes and mix them with flour and pummel the fallen apples from the trees to make apple juice.  As I grew older my Nan would share her tips with me, and as she was from an era of austerity, her "make do" regime stood her in good stead.  Even in her eighties her skin was creamy, with very few lines and she swore by her natural remedies.

Sorting through my old notebooks and papers from days gone by I found some old skincare recipes that I had collected. The plan was to collate them into some kind of book.  Well, they've been sitting there for donkeys and I still haven't shared them and I think it's time that they saw the light of day.

Most of the thing you need to make the lotions and potions can be found in your cupboards. All of the recipes are old, collected from my nan and from old magazines and hopefully some of them will be of use to you. 

Use clean utensils, jars and bottles (that goes without saying!).  Use wooden spoons for stirring.  The products won't look like commercial ones, and won't last as long, as they lack the usual preservatives, but they'll save you a fortune, and that's got to be a good thing!



 Hand Cream

Potato Hand Cream
2 Potatoes (medium)
1 tablespoon of almond oil
1 tablespoon of glycerin
1 teaspoon of orange flower water

Cook and mash the potatoes, add the oils and lastly the orange flower water.  If the mixture is too thick add some extra orange flower water.  It will make more of a paste rather than a cream.  Leave on your hands for an hour, then rinse off.  Keep in the fridge. 

Almond Day Cream

85g ground Almonds
1/4 pint milk (or any substiture such as soya milk, almond milk etc)
1 egg yolk
2 teaspoons of almond oil.

Simmer the almonds in the milk until it has all been absorbed. Beat the egg yolk and stir it in.  Bring the mixture to the boil for a couple of minutes.  Allow to cool, then fold in the almond oil. Keep refridgerated.

Other Tips:

Lemon: A slice of lemon or it's juice will remove any stubborn dirt.
Cucumber: Mix the juice with an equal quantity of witch hazel for chapped hands.
Sugar: Mixed with an equal quantity with sunflower oil will clean stained hands
Bran: A substitute for soap. Wet hands, dip in, rub and rinse.
Milk: Soaked in warm milk for 5 minute will help chapped rough hands.


I have lots of other receipes for home made moisturisers, cleansers, soaps and  will post when I can't think of anything else to write!!!

Sunday, 8 April 2012

Silent Sunday - 8 April 2012


Hmmm...These boxes held two beautiful handmade Easter eggs....the boxes look empty....take a closer look...the bleedin' chocolate melted!

Saturday, 7 April 2012

Am I gawjus? Yo betcha yo ass!

That Samantha Brick is a girl, isn't she?  I don't mean girl as in "girl" (but you know that, don't you?) but as in a girl who likes to stir up controversy.

She's got the whole of the nation gabbing about her bit in the Daily Wail;  her follow up piece clearly written in haste (not!) and I wonder why the nation can't see that this has probably been one great, big PR stunt?  The Daily Wail had warned of the backlash (mentioned on This Morning), yet it wasn't tempered to suit the readership but to ensure that a campaign followed that would ensure her theory was proven correct and her profile elevated. And....reading between the lines I know it was more to provoke a reaction...the girl ain't that stupid....surely?

In another of her pieces she's spoken of her agony of acne and how it's blighted her life and lost her a chance at success, so it strikes me as a bit odd that her current popularity (or unpopularity) is concerned with why women dislike her. I feel for those with acne, and I don't hate them. Putting two and two together (possibly making five), I'm suspicious and I'm cynical and I think she's achieved what she planned....notoriety!

Now me?  Will I suffer the dreaded backlash, because I'm gawjus? 

  • I've had men following me down the street (whilst I've dropped various items of food - mainly chicken nuggets and peas). 

  • I've had men and boys buy me my train ticket (probably because I've begged them as I scrabbled around in the bottom of my bag and only coming up with dust).
 
  • I've had men let me in the queue in front of them (because the kids were screaming blue murder in their lug 'oles).
 
  • I've had men queuing up to buy me drinks (as I drop  to my knees in panic as the change in my purse has done a shotgun scatter whilst the men were dying of thirst!).
 
  • I have boys and men give up their seats on the tube (I do topple over a bit and tread on their feet with my spiked heels).
  • Men wolf whistle (from behind it all looks peachy....but when I turn round...whoa!!!)
 
.........so maybe she's got it all wrong. Maybe women dislike her so much because she's irritating? Like me? The difference between us both, is that I see trees...she see's the woods.
Don't hate me because men chase me...I've probably left without paying for something!

Photo credit:  Salvatore Vuono at FreeDigital Photos.net

Friday, 6 April 2012

My Top Tips For Slovenly Mother's Wardrobe

I really would like to explore the virtues of having a slovenly mothers wardrobe and at the moment I'm finding it difficult to find any!  There are plenty of options available for slovenly mothers and it doesn't take too much work to find something that would resemble something that you wouldn't make you look like a yummy mummy or a MILF (heard recently at the school gate but not in my direction!! ).  I mean, who wants to look like a scrummy mummy, or a lovely mummy?  Despite your best efforts to remain slovenly, you will find on occasion that the attire you are wearing will elevate you to the position of "neat mummy" or "smart mummy" but in a few short hours your real self will shine through....dirt an all!

Here are my top tips for maintaining a "Slovenly Wardrobe"

  • Make sure all item of clothing have been kicked around the floor a few times.  Get the baby to wipe their nose on your shoulder, and ask the kids to wipe their hands down the front of any white shirt.
  • Take the dogs for a walk in your smartest jeans.  Mud will be displayed at the bottom of the hems and paw marks on the fronts will ensure that the dirt will become engrained on the thighs if they jump up at any time.
  • Clean the windows in your cream merino wool long sleeved jumper.  The grey water from the windows will transfer onto the cuffs of the jumper.  It will never wash out properly and that expensive woolen item will remain for ever a "slovenly mother" item.
  • Paint the hall way (or anything for that matter), in your black linen trousers. Ensure you either brush up against the newly painted white woodwork and make sure you wipe your hands on your backside. Black T-shirts are also very handy as a method for cleaning hands.
  • When cooking, DO NOT WEAR AN APRON.  This is to make sure the grease splashes and baking mishaps are transferred onto all items of clothing...never to be removed again. 
  • Brush your hair...once!  Apply make-up in the morning (before 6 am) to ensure all traces have melted by  9 am or at least to look like you've applied it the night before.  Even better, don't use a mirror! You should have mastered the art of applying it by now without even looking! 



So...a few simple tips to keep you in slovenly mummy's tip top shape!  I mean, who wants to look perfect all of the time?

Photocredit - adamr from www.freedigitalphotos.net

Friday, 30 March 2012

Domestic Godess? Me? I think not!

I really don't think I could even compete in the tidy stakes, but what I do love is a gadget.  I'm not sure how to use them all, but I'm certain most of the time that they come in pretty handy for something, sometime..if I could find them.  I'll jump on the bandwagon the moment I see a new toy.  I'll play with it for a while; create some masterpiece then lose it somewhere in the depths of the homestead.

At the moment my lifesaver has got to be the vacuum cleaner... and an air freshener!   Vacuum up the dog hair, the bits of food, and the Lego blocks lying around...squirt the air freshener..then hey presto...smells as clean as a whistle....shame about the clothes lying all over the floor!  Those, I just kick aside or hoover around them!

I've heard that having a de-clutter is the way to go! De-clutter?  I need every last gadget I have!

So, my tips for a clean and sparkling homestead:
  • Don't wash the windows on a sunny day.
  • Iron when you're angry...I get through it really quick when I'm having a row in my head!
  • Dust?  What dust?  I don't have dust in my house...just a protective coating from the atmosphere!
  • Get your man to do the washing!  They don't separate the whites from the colours...so a new wardrobe will be needed.  No need to wash...just chuck it all in the bin to save him the effort.
  • Pay your children to clean...everything!  The car, the windows (ok, maybe not the windows), the floor?




 My latest gadget (bought yesterday) from Costco is a Philips Steam Iron.  The other one (a Tefal Pro express) was fabulous, but finally gave up the ghost when I dropped it on the floor and all of the gubbings flew out!  There was no way I was going to piece it together...so I bought a new one.  Not cheap, but seems to do the job.  

                                                      I also bought a Cuisinart Griddle and grill!
It's all nice and shiny and I know it will be useful as the plates are reversible...griddle one side and flat plate the other.  They can be removed for easy cleaning....and get this...guaranteed for 5 years!!!  Yes...that's right 5 years!!!  I'd been using the Tepanyaki plate for doing the steaks and now the bloody thing has been scratched to buggery!

I know I've got an electric yoghurt maker somewhere...I'll have to get that out now!  Oh get me, I've come over all domestic!

What gadget could you not live without?

Friday, 23 March 2012

He's flippin' well done it again!!!

He's only, bleeding well done it again!!  PeeWee...I mean.  He's eaten his bed, yet again!  You'd think that now he's grown (in dog years, I'm guessing he's about 10), he'd have come to terms with what he can and can't chew, but this is now getting ridiculous.  I'm loathe to chuck all the beds out as poor old Chubba would have to sleep on the cold hard floors and the poor old boy has difficulty enough raising himself from the floor as it is. Poor old Chubba shouldn't have to suffer because Pee Wee is a sh*te!! He's chewed his plastic bed to buggery and his "bruva from anuva muva's" bed, but that's old news. 


Dog bed
PeeWee's Bed
I'd hoped that he'd have gotten over it by now.  It's not as if he doesn't get enough romps in the park...he does and if he doesn't he soon tells me all about it! Apart from taking his lovely gnashers out, I'm not sure there is a thing I can do about it.  It's no use telling me to squirt him with a water pistol (my ma's advice), but I never catch him doing it.  It's usually in the dead of night when I'm not looking.  Chubba is my perfect boy.  He lays at my feet wherever I am....I may suffer a broken leg or two when I forget he's there!  Peewee on the other hand, weeps and wails.  I can hear his moans from the office and it's always on his terms as his squeaks get louder the longer I leave him.  It's only usually for a romp in the garden and the minute he steps out...he runs back in!   He pokes he's head around the office door, and wails at me.  He nudges my leg to get me moving when it's dinner time.  Seriously, if this dog could speak, I'd be getting an earful every five minutes.

Who said that dogs never answer back?

Saturday, 3 March 2012

This is England - 2012

Daisy phoned me the other day.  She couldn't make our walk as her 22 year old son had been "beaten up" the night before and she had to take him to the dentist that morning.  She didn't go into much detail at the time as she was in a hurry.  The story came later.

Sam had visited a petrol station the night before. He and a couple of his friends had stopped off after a night out to get try and find something to eat.  Outside, were two girls who had also stopped off to stock up on chocolate and the boys stayed and chatted while they ate their sandwiches.   While they were chatting a car pulled into the forecourt and two young men got out.

"GET IN THE CAR!" the first male shouted at the girls.

The girls said no. They said no, because they didn't know the two men.

"GET IN THE EFFING CAR, YOU BITCHES !" he shouted again.

Further abuse followed.  The boys had no idea what was going on.  The men from the car were shouting and made to grab the girls; the boys were shouting at them to leave the girls alone and stood between them. The driver then punched Sam full on the face. Sam fell to the floor.  Things became hazy from then on. As they kicked, he lay on the ground. 

He told his mum that his thoughts were "I'm going to die.  I'm going to die here in this petrol station".

During the fracas FOUR more cars pulled up and Sam saw feet pounding over to the scene. More feet joined in the stamping and kicking. Sam heard the police sirens...then nothing.

The police haven't caught the perpetrators. They have the number plates of the cars.  No one has any idea what it was all about.  The boys didn't know them, nor the girls. They didn't have local accents. Were they trying to kidnap the girls? What would have happened if the boys hadn't stayed to chat to them?  Was it a gang initiation? Who knows? I pray they will catch them and I pray they will go away for a long time.

One of the boys suffered a broken nose; the other eye's were so swollen from the hits that his eye's closed up.  Sam's face was sliced open, 9 teeth broken, teeth  and bruising covering most of his body. He can hardly walk. The girls could not thank them enough

This is England in 2012.  This shows the lawlessness of our youth; the lack of respect for human life; the ease in which violence is accepted.

It sent shivers down my spine. 

Sunday, 22 January 2012

I was once called by another name....

...quite often I'm called by other names.

My Dad runs through the whole list of family names before he remembers mine.  Sometimes I think he just can't be bothered to look at me and work out who I am.  I shouldn't be offended but when he calls me by the dogs names I can't but help be a little irritated.  Sometimes I jump in before he reaches the third name and proffer my own...spoils the fun of watching him struggle, but hey...I always remember his! 

BH, doesn't always call me by name and often substitutes it with "Babe" or "You bitch".  I've been called worse.
A naughty Girl!

On Parents Day, (many moons ago, in those halcyon days of the past, when the sun always shone and you had time to smell the sweetness of the hedgerow...) off my parents trotted to hear what evils I had done throughout my year, and they were never disappointed.  In those days we were left at home so that the teachers could talk frankly about our behaviour and we had no right of reply.  On their return, Mum rushed into the kitchen and poured herself and Dad a stiff drink.  I was summonsed to the office.  Dad was sat in his chair behind his desk (like a headmaster!)...and I knew there was going to be trouble.

"Mr Lavender (Oh yes, that was his name!) tells me you've been troublesome this year"

I tried to look at him blankly.  I'd been in all sorts of scrapes that year and didn't want to show my hand too early by offering an excuse for whatever episode Mr Lavender hadn't dragged up.

"He tells me you've been hard to control and that you have had detention several times which you've omitted to mention to either me or your mother".

"...but I didn't have a detention!"

"He mentioned that you locked a boy in the stationary cupboard, that you were caught smoking in the fields, that your tie is constantly used as handcuffs, that you call out in class constantly despite being asked not to, and that you argue back!"

"That wasn't me! "

"Really?" he said raising the dreaded eyebrow.  This wasn't a question but a statement...but it really wasn't me. I knew who it was...but it just wasn't me!

"No..that was Jennifer Blackstone!"   Jennifer Blackstone was the class nasty.  You stayed out of her way if you wanted to live.  You didn't cross Jennifer Blackstone otherwise she'd give you a Chinese burn and her hands were like vices!

He looked at me quizzically. He's eyes narrowed, he tilted his head to the side. I could see him working trying to work out who I was and where I fitted in, in the family.

"Really?" This was a question now. "I wondered why he called you Jennifer, when your name is ...erm..erm...well, I assumed he'd got it right as it sounded like you!  Are you sure?  I don't like this at all.  Fancy getting your name wrong!"

Phew!!  I was released back into the wild after that little episode and would often use Jennifer as the excuse..sometimes it's handy being called by another name!!













Sunday, 1 January 2012

Uncomfortable Episodes....

I'd always thought I was a popular soul, but now and again I get the feeling that sometimes people uncomfortable in my company.  It's happened on a couple of occasions  and all I want to do is hide in a hole.  I've placed myself into he vulnerable position of being in their company, and they just turn away and talk to someone else!!  Sheeeet!!  I'm not that odd or boring but when it happens find myself at a loss at what to say and just stand there hoping that something will pop into my head...and the more I feel uncomfortable the more I see the discomfort in their faces...not a pleasant situation to be in from where I'm standing.

The other evening BH and I went out for dinner with the family of BB's (beautiful Ben) girlfriend.  She's wanted us to meet them (as she loves us so!) and to thank us for putting up with them over the past year!  Girlfriend "kind of" moved in with BB and us all, making it a very jolly and noisy homestead.  Lots of screaming and fighting but that's nothing new.  Anyhoo, I thought I'd have a good time, as I like meeting new folks..or so I thought.  I cracked a couple of "ice breaking" jokes...silence!  Ah well, I thought.  Maybe they need to get to know me first. So I started to chat with the person sitting next to me. Very nice she was too.  On the other side was her husband...how was I to know he had Tourettes???  We had a lovely swearing session with the rest of the family looking on aghast!  I thought it was great fun...first time I got to swear with impunity...if only to put the other guest at ease!  BB, said he thought they didn't get me...

Or like the time I attended a Charity Do. Previously I'd spoken with many folk  at other events and one guest came up to a friend I was chatting with.  I knew her vaguely, passed a few comments "Lovely to see you" "You look lovely" "How are you doing?"  shake hands, blah, blah, during which my friend turned away to talk to another.  The acquaintance turned heel and grabbed a passer by and I was left standing holding my champagne in the middle of the floor with  a space surrounding me which at the time felt like an ocean!!! Talk about awkward!  I couldn't see anyone I knew nearby, so hightailed it outside to calm my nerves with a fag...and another glass of champagne!!! It ruined my bloody evening I can tell you!

Maybe it's because I'm a sensitive soul? Or I'm so good at reading body language? Not hugely embarrassing, but enough to know that I should stick with who I know!









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