Sunday, 22 January 2012

I was once called by another name....

...quite often I'm called by other names.

My Dad runs through the whole list of family names before he remembers mine.  Sometimes I think he just can't be bothered to look at me and work out who I am.  I shouldn't be offended but when he calls me by the dogs names I can't but help be a little irritated.  Sometimes I jump in before he reaches the third name and proffer my own...spoils the fun of watching him struggle, but hey...I always remember his! 

BH, doesn't always call me by name and often substitutes it with "Babe" or "You bitch".  I've been called worse.
A naughty Girl!

On Parents Day, (many moons ago, in those halcyon days of the past, when the sun always shone and you had time to smell the sweetness of the hedgerow...) off my parents trotted to hear what evils I had done throughout my year, and they were never disappointed.  In those days we were left at home so that the teachers could talk frankly about our behaviour and we had no right of reply.  On their return, Mum rushed into the kitchen and poured herself and Dad a stiff drink.  I was summonsed to the office.  Dad was sat in his chair behind his desk (like a headmaster!)...and I knew there was going to be trouble.

"Mr Lavender (Oh yes, that was his name!) tells me you've been troublesome this year"

I tried to look at him blankly.  I'd been in all sorts of scrapes that year and didn't want to show my hand too early by offering an excuse for whatever episode Mr Lavender hadn't dragged up.

"He tells me you've been hard to control and that you have had detention several times which you've omitted to mention to either me or your mother".

"...but I didn't have a detention!"

"He mentioned that you locked a boy in the stationary cupboard, that you were caught smoking in the fields, that your tie is constantly used as handcuffs, that you call out in class constantly despite being asked not to, and that you argue back!"

"That wasn't me! "

"Really?" he said raising the dreaded eyebrow.  This wasn't a question but a statement...but it really wasn't me. I knew who it was...but it just wasn't me!

"No..that was Jennifer Blackstone!"   Jennifer Blackstone was the class nasty.  You stayed out of her way if you wanted to live.  You didn't cross Jennifer Blackstone otherwise she'd give you a Chinese burn and her hands were like vices!

He looked at me quizzically. He's eyes narrowed, he tilted his head to the side. I could see him working trying to work out who I was and where I fitted in, in the family.

"Really?" This was a question now. "I wondered why he called you Jennifer, when your name is ...erm..erm...well, I assumed he'd got it right as it sounded like you!  Are you sure?  I don't like this at all.  Fancy getting your name wrong!"

Phew!!  I was released back into the wild after that little episode and would often use Jennifer as the excuse..sometimes it's handy being called by another name!!













Sunday, 1 January 2012

Uncomfortable Episodes....

I'd always thought I was a popular soul, but now and again I get the feeling that sometimes people uncomfortable in my company.  It's happened on a couple of occasions  and all I want to do is hide in a hole.  I've placed myself into he vulnerable position of being in their company, and they just turn away and talk to someone else!!  Sheeeet!!  I'm not that odd or boring but when it happens find myself at a loss at what to say and just stand there hoping that something will pop into my head...and the more I feel uncomfortable the more I see the discomfort in their faces...not a pleasant situation to be in from where I'm standing.

The other evening BH and I went out for dinner with the family of BB's (beautiful Ben) girlfriend.  She's wanted us to meet them (as she loves us so!) and to thank us for putting up with them over the past year!  Girlfriend "kind of" moved in with BB and us all, making it a very jolly and noisy homestead.  Lots of screaming and fighting but that's nothing new.  Anyhoo, I thought I'd have a good time, as I like meeting new folks..or so I thought.  I cracked a couple of "ice breaking" jokes...silence!  Ah well, I thought.  Maybe they need to get to know me first. So I started to chat with the person sitting next to me. Very nice she was too.  On the other side was her husband...how was I to know he had Tourettes???  We had a lovely swearing session with the rest of the family looking on aghast!  I thought it was great fun...first time I got to swear with impunity...if only to put the other guest at ease!  BB, said he thought they didn't get me...

Or like the time I attended a Charity Do. Previously I'd spoken with many folk  at other events and one guest came up to a friend I was chatting with.  I knew her vaguely, passed a few comments "Lovely to see you" "You look lovely" "How are you doing?"  shake hands, blah, blah, during which my friend turned away to talk to another.  The acquaintance turned heel and grabbed a passer by and I was left standing holding my champagne in the middle of the floor with  a space surrounding me which at the time felt like an ocean!!! Talk about awkward!  I couldn't see anyone I knew nearby, so hightailed it outside to calm my nerves with a fag...and another glass of champagne!!! It ruined my bloody evening I can tell you!

Maybe it's because I'm a sensitive soul? Or I'm so good at reading body language? Not hugely embarrassing, but enough to know that I should stick with who I know!









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