Big knickers and 5 fat facts

I honestly don’t know how it happened. 

One day I was wearing a g-string, planning my underwear, waxing my bits, checking the view from the back...then BAM...the next time I looked my undie drawer was full of mahoosive knickers! Could I find a thong or a sexy ensemble amongst the detritus that used to be a part of me?

When did I go from sexy lady to frumpy, lumpy Mum? When did I decide that it was OK to forgo the pretty knickers? I think the reason I'd noticed then and hadn't noticed before was that I'd look for the most comfortable I could find.  You see, the worst thing happened. It's not easy to say, but it's true.  

I just got fat. 

Hmmm...I don't know how that happened either. Little knickers started to cut into my thighs. Little knickers rolled down. I couldn't see the tops with the new muffin top I'd acquired and Little knickers didn't cover my bum any more. So, I started to buy Big knickers. Stretchy ones. Black. I started off with medium, then progressed onto large, then went back down to medium, then back up to large. The medium ones rolled down too. 

It wasn't the knickers that really made me sit up and take notice. It was the seriously round face staring back at me. The eyes that were slowly disappearing. I tried to contour some cheekbones into the sides, that had been there before but I just looked like someone with brown lines on their face.  It was also the fact that my blood pressure had gone sky high, when all of my life I'd been in danger of being low, because, I'd always believed, I was sooooo laid back. 

There were other issues and sign posts. My clothes were tighter. I wore a uniform to work and at times I couldn't breath as my jacket was so tight, especially after they introduced a "buttoned jacket in public". I'd walk along sucking in my breath, crying 

"OMG, I can't breath, I can't breath!"

My colleagues would laugh...because they thought I was being funny.

I'd tried so many different ways of losing weight it seemed impossible. I didn't eat a lot. People will often say "Yeah right" and think you're a secret eater. I'm not and never was.

No one said I'd put on weight. Except Bart. Bart said

"Mum, you know you probably need some exercise. I don't like seeing you so tired. You have put on weight, you know. You look like a fatter version of yourself. No offence"

I hadn't weighed myself in 10 years. I hated the scales. I could always tell by how tight my clothes were but when it came down to it, I stopped buying clothes. I couldn't bear the thought of having to buy an L or an XL. I couldn't bear the thought of going into a changing room knowing that they probably wouldn't fit me. Going up one or two clothes sizes would admitting that I needed to do something, and I didn't need to do anything...did I?

These are MY fat facts. The following, I believe have been the result of the weight gain. They haven't been pleasant and a few have affected my relationship with my husband and children.

1. Incontinence
I could barely bend down, cough, laugh without letting a bit of 'pp' loose. I guess thats another reason for the big knickers. It wasn't massive but it made me feel uncomfortable and a little bit ashamed. I blamed my hormones.  I was changing. My body shape was changing and it must be the menopause. Like hell it was. The internal body fat was pressing against my bladder and forcing out the 'pp' every time I moved. I couldn't keep it in. So then came the lady nappies. Not the big ones but as discreet as I could find. Not nice. I'd be continually checking. I'd be in and out of the loo like someone with....incontinence!  Definitely hormones...wasn't it?

2. Plantar Fasciitis

OMG. There was me thinking that at least the only thing that wouldn't gain weight was my feet. They did. And added to that little bonus was the lovely pain that accompanied my rising from my slumber each morning. I'd hobble to the kitchen until they stretched out and even then I was in agony. I strapped them up with tape. I wore tight socks. Fitflop shuvs were my saviour. They had cushioned soles. I'd blamed my converse and flip-flops I'd worn for the previous summer. It couldn't have been anything else...could it?

3. High Blood Pressure

Headaches. Red face. Hot flushes. A trip to the Doctor to confirm that I was menopausal resulted in the diagnosis that I was suffering from hypertension. I was stressed, true, but also a bit overweight. "Lose a bit of weight, and we'll see how it goes.". It was hormonal...wasn't it?

4. Snoring

"My god, do you know how much you snore? It's really loud!" 

"I can hear you in my bedroom."

OH races to bed before me and I'd wonder why I have to do all of the locking up of the homestead. He recently admitted so that it was he'd be able to get to sleep before I started snoring! Maybe I snored before I was "weighty" but I'm told it shakes the house! I'd had a cold which made the incontinence worse and made me snore more. It was the cold...wasn't it?

5. Misery

I was miserable. Truly miserable.  I didn't socialise anymore. I knew what people would think, although they didn't say anything to my face, but I wanted to spare myself the humiliation of "Wow, she's put on weight hasn't she?".  Concentrate on my bubbly personality, why don't you? Concentrate on my wit and humour...oh no, fat people are always funny to cover their insecurities. 

I've tried so many different ways of losing weight over the last 10 years and it seemed impossible and insurmountable.  I didn't eat a lot. Family and friends would say "Oh really?"  and I could hear their brain whirring that obvious thought "Yeah right. No one gets to that size with out eating a ton of food!"  I didn't and never did. Honest injun!

The way it's been explained to me (by a seriously amazing PT, @thenaturalathlete_ check him out on instagram. Went to him for a session and ended up signing up for a seriously cheap program for online training and nutrition advice) is that my metabolism is basically fcuked. I need to kick start it and I need to eat more to educate it, so that  it knows there's not about to be a famine in this body anytime soon. Apparently, because I thought "Less is more" I've trained this temple to convert any crap I eat into sugar...not energy but sugar.  The body started laying it's fat reserves for armageddon when it comes. 

I'm going to let you into a little secret that worked for me. Not only did I eat more, I ate more of the right stuff. I wrote everything down I ate and allowed myself little treats every day. 

Being overweight isn't the end of the world. Some people are happy being bigger and I'm not about to shame anyone for their choice, but it wasn't for me. It made me miserable and I knew I had to do something about it if I wanted to stop being so unhappy.

In the next few posts I'll be sharing a bit of my journey, how I did it, how I was motivated and how much I lost. I kept a bit of a journal so you'll get an insight of how I progressed.

It's got to be worth it, hasn't it?