Once in a lifetime....

We're heartbroken.

I knew it was coming, but I didn't know when and I didn't know how. 

Yesterday, we lost our beloved Chubba.

Now I know he wasn't human, but we loved him...and he loved us and this makes it easy for me to say.

The kids keep crying. BH wells up constantly, and me...well, I'm next to useless at the moment.  I know it'll pass.  I know we were lucky to have such a faithful friend.  I know we gave him a loving home, but I'll miss his head on my knee. I'll miss the feel of his soft head under my hands, his silky ears and his thumping tail.  I'll miss having to step over him at every turn, I'll miss the black dense hair on the floor, I'll miss walking peacefully with him. Chubba was that one of a kind dog.  The one you know that only comes along once in your lifetime.  That perfect fit. He gave love fiercely but never demanded.


But I'll miss him. My special boy. My beautiful boy.

Order! Order!

I feel like I'm riding against the waves. The harder I push the further I fall behind and it's an awful long way to get past the foaming peaks...and my arms hurt!  Everything needs doing but my priority is to sit down, smoke a fag, and look out of the window at the blue sky....is it any wonder I'm being pushed closer to the shoreline?

This morning I've been trying to sort out my google reader.  I have a zillion blogs to read and I'm trying to get them in some order.  The first few I've looked at haven't posted since 2009.  Do I un-subscribe or do I keep those little gems in my little gems folder? I know google reader is so passe but I reluctant to change, and anyway I have no idea what to replace it with or how to do it!  I'm loath to do anything that means I have to think and when I do...brain freeze! I really don't want to offend anyone. Considering I don't know any of them personally, it's all getting a little bit too deep for my liking and it's freaking me out!

There are a million things that need sorting out.  I think I may need a life coach..even better, a cleaner! BH won't consider a life coach...he thinks I should have it all sorted by now, but if I can't get my brain in order what hope is there for the rest of it all?

So my life space is in complete disarray along with my hard-drive..and my google reader... and will be for the foreseeable future cos I just can't be arsed anymore!