Mummy at the School Gate

It’s incredible once you start speaking to people. Everyone knows someone who’s been struck by cancer. They know someone going through it now, or they someone living with it daily. We’ve been overwhelmed with support and kindness and knowing we’re not alone really helps. I have no idea of the normal process for anything medical. We’ve never needed it.  My brother had needed urgent hospital treatment, but unfortunately the NHS was pretty poor at that time and were unable to support him. It was a horrible experience and once the consultant heard that we were moving him to a private facility had said “I didn’t know they were prepared to pay”. That shocked me. Should it matter if you had money available? I vowed that we would never be in that position again.  I took out private medical insurance so that we’d have to go through that. I’m certain that 20 years later the position has changed. I have nothing but admiration and support for the NHS. They have certainly kept this country going an

I’ve stopped crying. I’m not sure for how long, but today was a good day. It was a good day in the sense that we acted normally in this totally bizarre and odd new normal. How many times have we said that this year? New normal? So many phrases that seemed trite and strange are used regularly to describe any crazy situation we find ourselves in. We’d finally been able to tell our son that his dad has cancer. It made it real. He cried. He was shocked. Our 30 year old son who adores and admires his dad always thought he was invincible, but it’s freaked him out beyond belief. I guess it’s the same for everyone when told of something that happens to other people. We’re always shocked and terrified when we hear something we never expect to hear. He’s a great dad and he’s a lucky son to have him. He knows this. We haven’t got to the stage of treatment yet. We have a vague idea of what to expect. We have no idea of the grade or stage. Oncologists haven’t been appointed although the consultant

 Hmmm, doesn’t sound too uplifting does it? It doesn’t really matter because this is for me...and I am no stranger to death. Really. Not my own, but like millions of us around the globe I’ve had loss. I’ve suffered from grief and I’ve prayed that it would never happen again. But it does. It’s inevitable. With life there’s death. Always. And it’s those who are left behind who suffer continuously.  I’m not incredibly self indulgent (unless it comes to buying clothes), but as this blog is for my thoughts it’s my indulgent spot where I can say what I want, not that I’ve not censored or held back on posting. If you looked into my drafts you’ll see 100’s of posts that I haven’t posted. I’m not really who I say I am. The things I’ve written about have happened, but 10 years ago I needed an outlet for something that happened and mummyattheschoolgate was born. It helped me through a rough patch.  I don’t have three children. I have one son. I’m not 40 something, I’m older. I feel younger. I hav