Sunday, 22 January 2012

I was once called by another name....

...quite often I'm called by other names.

My Dad runs through the whole list of family names before he remembers mine.  Sometimes I think he just can't be bothered to look at me and work out who I am.  I shouldn't be offended but when he calls me by the dogs names I can't but help be a little irritated.  Sometimes I jump in before he reaches the third name and proffer my own...spoils the fun of watching him struggle, but hey...I always remember his! 

BH, doesn't always call me by name and often substitutes it with "Babe" or "You bitch".  I've been called worse.
A naughty Girl!

On Parents Day, (many moons ago, in those halcyon days of the past, when the sun always shone and you had time to smell the sweetness of the hedgerow...) off my parents trotted to hear what evils I had done throughout my year, and they were never disappointed.  In those days we were left at home so that the teachers could talk frankly about our behaviour and we had no right of reply.  On their return, Mum rushed into the kitchen and poured herself and Dad a stiff drink.  I was summonsed to the office.  Dad was sat in his chair behind his desk (like a headmaster!)...and I knew there was going to be trouble.

"Mr Lavender (Oh yes, that was his name!) tells me you've been troublesome this year"

I tried to look at him blankly.  I'd been in all sorts of scrapes that year and didn't want to show my hand too early by offering an excuse for whatever episode Mr Lavender hadn't dragged up.

"He tells me you've been hard to control and that you have had detention several times which you've omitted to mention to either me or your mother".

"...but I didn't have a detention!"

"He mentioned that you locked a boy in the stationary cupboard, that you were caught smoking in the fields, that your tie is constantly used as handcuffs, that you call out in class constantly despite being asked not to, and that you argue back!"

"That wasn't me! "

"Really?" he said raising the dreaded eyebrow.  This wasn't a question but a statement...but it really wasn't me. I knew who it was...but it just wasn't me!

"No..that was Jennifer Blackstone!"   Jennifer Blackstone was the class nasty.  You stayed out of her way if you wanted to live.  You didn't cross Jennifer Blackstone otherwise she'd give you a Chinese burn and her hands were like vices!

He looked at me quizzically. He's eyes narrowed, he tilted his head to the side. I could see him working trying to work out who I was and where I fitted in, in the family.

"Really?" This was a question now. "I wondered why he called you Jennifer, when your name is ...erm..erm...well, I assumed he'd got it right as it sounded like you!  Are you sure?  I don't like this at all.  Fancy getting your name wrong!"

Phew!!  I was released back into the wild after that little episode and would often use Jennifer as the excuse..sometimes it's handy being called by another name!!













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