Thursday, 17 March 2011

My au-pair's a dustman...well she's not really... she's a ho!

My au pair Miriam, is a beautiful sultry girl from the Slovak Republic or Slovakia as it is most commonly known. Most of the girls that have lived with us either come from Slovakia or the Czech Republic.  I've chosen them in particular because they have the "family values" that I want for my family.  I know that I can't tar everyone with the same brush, it's just that it has worked for me.

However...Miriam is the exception to the rule.  Miriam is sensual; Miriam languishes; she loves burning candles and incense sticks. She loves long, bubbly baths with big fluffy towels.  Miriam walks the dogs in stilettos (how?), and loves my red lipstick (on her!) Miriam loves MTV.  Miriam loves raiding my wardrobe, and Miriam loves men...all men!

As was usual for a Sunday early evening we had all settled down to watch a movie. Mimi was in bed and the boys were snuggled up on the sofa with BH.  Ben, (22 and stunning!), was on the other sofa, with his laptop researching with PeeWee and Chubba.

Me? I was in the kitchen, running hither and thither, supplying refreshments and trying to finish the ironing, whilst the louche lads were lounging!   I heard Miriam clacking down the stairs and assumed that she was due out on one of her hunting forays. 

After about 15 minutes, Finn came into the laundry room (sounds grand, but it doesn't even have a window!) and wound himself around my legs, while I tried to get the creases out of a king size sheet..believe me I only iron where it's going to be seen!

"I love you, mummy"

"OK Finn, What do you want?"

"No" he said "I really do love you!"

"Well that's handy, because I love you too"  I was touched that he'd left the film to see if I was OK.

"Why is Miriam being silly?"

"She's not silly Finn, Miriam is a nice girl"

"No mummy, she's being very silly and naughty"

I was a bit confused.  There hadn't been any arguments; there hadn't been any pillow or knife fights; I couldn't hear any screaming; in fact Miriam had been pretty quiet all weekend.

"What do you mean Finn?" I asked

"Well, she's sitting next to Ben"
"So?"

"But she's really close."

"How close?"

"This close!"

I could see that Finn was a bit upset, so I wandered nonchalantly into the living room.

Snuggled up on the sofa was Miriam...and squashed right in the corner with Miriam almost smothering him was Ben.  Ben, bolt upright on the edge of the sofa  was avoiding all eye contact except with the TV. Somehow she had managed to squeeze herself in between Chubba and Peewee. That's not the only thing...she was in her sexy underwear and  stilettos!!  She wasn't exactly wearing suspenders, but for a Sunday afternoon, it didn't really matter.

BH looked at me, his eyes as wide as saucers.  I could see what was racing through his mind at that exxact point.

"If I leave her (me), for her...oh life would be, oh so sweet!"

I threw him a look which I hoped said

"Yeah...try it matey!"

So there we were, all in the living room with a half naked girl, at 6.30 in the evening, and not one of us said a thing....not...one...thing!! 

I'm trying to pluck up the courage to tell her we're not the "Pyjama Family" and that we generally disrobe when it's time for bed, just incase we have any surprise visitors.  I'm not sure that she'd take much notice as she never does anyway. BH keeps saying I've got to say something, but I can't bring myself to do it!  What do I say?

"Miriam do me a favour...don't walk around half naked, with your boobs hanging out?" Not sure that she'd welcome that, especially as it really wasn't much different to her usual "Night Figher" attire!

Thankfully, she hasn't made eyes at BH, but if she did...well, she'd be welcome to him! She doesn't have to clear up the wayward socks, or put up with the botty burps!  I have a trick up my sleeve...if she wants BH, then she can have the kids too...I somehow don't think she'd be too keen on that!

11 comments:

  1. Wow. Am speechless at that one! Talk about not knowing where to look. Oh so english to say nothing!!

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  2. I'm still in shock...and I'm still not prepared for the next attempt on Ben! Maybe, I'll just throw a blanket over her, like you'd do to a rabid dog!!

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  3. LOL! I was going to give you the "How could you not say anything," speech, but I like the idea of throwing a blanket over her so much better.

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  4. Unbelieveable. That's outrageous behaviour! I think you do need to set some dress code boundaries. You have young children so the perfect excuse to break it gently to her - or maybe even buy her a dressing gown and approach it that way. However, it's your house and she's just an employee at the end of the day - so don't let her take advantage of your goodwill.

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  5. Hi there! Found you on the BMB blog hop and I love you story. Lol! That being said, being French, I am not sure I would keep her (we are more direct than you guys). It might have something to do with a friend of mine having an affair with the sexy au-pair following a similar story...You are warned!

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  6. Oh and I think wearing your lipstick and raiding your wardrobe should be off limits as well! In fact, I agree with MuMuGB maybe it would be best to start looking for someone else asap. You shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable in your own home. There, I can rest easy and enjoy my coffee now I've said my piece:))

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  7. Just back after a few days away working, and seen all the lovely comments. I did pluck up the courage to ask her not to wander around in her night attire as the "little" boys commented. She was surprised "I didn't sink zey vould notice! Zey are too young!". So she's promised to keep covered up in daylight hours. Mind you she's a rubbish au-pair so maybe it's time for her to move on!

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  8. Bloody-nora!! I'd have sacked her. Seriously. I'm open-minded and try not to be too naive, but in front of the kids, that's a bit much if you ask me. There's house rules and there's Your house rules. It's your house at the end of the day!!

    CJ xx

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  9. Goodness! Am going to chuck your blog on my reader as I want to see what happens to your au pair!
    This exactly why I don't want one-lol!

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  10. No way! I can't believe she's behaving like that. I'm with CJ - it's your house and your rules, time for a new au pair I think :)

    Best of luck, Lucy xxx

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  11. Popped in for a nosey from MLM link :)
    It would drive me crazy having a scantily clad sex kitten wandering around the house!! My OH would not stop gawping I don't think.

    Good luck!!

    Kerry xx

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