It's not often that I make errors but when I do they are almighty clangers They are often funny dinner anecdotes in which I regale listeners with exaggerated versions depending on how extrovert or witty I feel. This tale, however has never been exaggerated or expanded upon.
It was a tough decision. The one where you decide to have his knackers chopped off. It's not one to be taken lightly especially when you know he'd make a fantastic father. He has great genes, a beautiful face, and a fab nature. I'm not talking about BH (I'm guessing you realise this already) but our fur baby. Brown Bear. He'd taken to running after females in heat. BH, Finn and Bart grabbed their privates and winced grotesquely when I'd suggested it, but it was the sensible option considering that he'd escaped from the garden on numerous occasions in search of that elusive scent of the female hound. He was in all senses...a bounder!
It came to a head, when walking in the park. I could see him sniffing the air, his tail erect and his body still. I could see he wasn't engaged with me. I called him (he would turn on a sixpence the moment I uttered a word) and I could see he had no intention of making any concession to my command. The next moment he was off!!! He ran towards the lake with me running and calling after him. The little shit!
Down beside the lake was a woman holding her tiny whippet whilst brown bear prowled, sniffed and well, basically, flirted with her. I called. No response. I grabbed him by the collar and tried to prise him away from his new beau.
"She's on heat" the woman said "Mind you, he's incredibly gorgeous, isn't he?"
I hauled him away, apologising and as I was trying to clip him on his lead, he ran off again. Back to the fertile female! That was the moment I knew that my beautiful boy had to be curtailed and as much as I'd love to replicate him, I couldn't be responsible for a litter of mongrels and realised that for an easier life they were happier without them
So, I booked him in for the dreaded op. I dropped him off on the appointed day and was told to call back at lunch time to check on his progress. Which I did.
"Hi This is Mrs Yucky" I began "I'm checking on the progress of Archie and to find out when I can pick him up"
"What was the name?"
"Date of Birth?"
"1st Jan. A New Years baby!"
"Sorry, what was he here for?"
"An operation. I dropped him off this morning and was told to call back at lunchtime."
"I'm sorry but why would you drop him off for an operation here? Did you just leave him?"
"Well, he was booked in for an op and I was told to call back"
"But we don't do operations here."
"Well, where do you do them?"
"At the hospital."
"Why would I drop him off there when I could have taken him straight to the hospital?"
At this point I became a little bit anxious. They'd lost my dog and had no idea where he was! This was pretty serious, I thought.
"He's two and I was told to bring him in to you
"But why would you leave a child here?" She responded "I'd have thought you'd have wanted to be with them at the hospital. Who said they'd take them and who did you give him to?" She sounded worried.
At this point, I felt there was something a little 'off'. The conversation wasn't what I'd expected, and I had a feeling we were talking about something very different.
"But I left my dog....hang on...who am I calling?"
"The Doctors Surgery!"
I started to laugh.
"I'm so sorry. I should've called the vets!"
Thankfully, we located Brown Bear who was sleeping peacefully at the Vets.
Why I mixed up the Vets and the Doctors Surgery I have no idea, but perhaps it's because I feel my furry children are just as important as my unfurry ones! Don't tell them that though!