I'm not normally a Daily Wail reader, but that's all they had at the corner shop this afternoon, apart from the Racing Post! I needed some tangible contact with the outside world, as I've watched so much TV I'm beginning to feel like the Old woman who lives in a shoe! BH was not impressed on my return and asked me why I bothered buying it, I could look on the Internet if I needed to read something, but I like to hold something in my hands.
Anyway, as I flicked through the paper I came across an article which pulled me up rather sharply.
"Why did my best friend dump me?".
It was something that had been bothering me for sometime, and I still can't fathom out what happened.
Reading through the article didn't help me much, but made me realise that sometimes, some friends have out run their usefulness, and sometimes it's time to move on.
Jo and I had been friends for many years. We first met when we were both working for the same company, and had laughed and talked so much that it was impossible not to remain friends. She had very few friends and people wondered why we were, when we were so different. When we had children (of the same age), Jo and her husband moved nearby, and our boys spent many hours together. We would go walking with the dogs, take it in turns to take the boys to school, save places for each other at the Christmas service and speech day and made sure we sat next to each other at functions because we knew we'd always have a good time if we were together. That's not to say I didn't/don't have other friends, but we had an unusual friendship where I knew she didn't judge me nor me her...or so I thought. I knew she liked a bit of a drama, and I accepted that. She probably talked more than I did, but that was OK, because I love to analyse.
When she was going through her incredibly painful divorce, I was there (I was actually there for both of them, and refused to take sides or gossip), but would listen because I thought that was what was needed. She would call all hours and I would listen. She would turn up on the doorstep in tears and I would listen. But clearly I didn't know everything, and really didn't want to know. One night when talking to her ex, he mentioned that she would often become upset if she had heard I'd been out with someone else (shopping or to dinner), and would tell him that "she's found "new" friends". Of course, I dismissed this as I felt it a bit childish (and perhaps he was getting back at her after the split), but it didn't bother me as I always had different friends for different things. But Jo was someone I trusted and someone I thought would always be there.
Without going into detail, I hit a bad patch back in February. I'm very private (despite the blog!) and locked myself away. I couldn't talk to anyone, and I couldn't face seeing anyone. I didn't leave the house and I was in the depths of despair. A week into the "patch", Jo turned up at the door saying that she "knew something was up". She listened, gave me some advice then left. I didn't hear from her again.
I have no idea why I didn't hear from her again, despite the years we have been friends. I guess she couldn't deal with my utter despair. But what she doesn't realise is that she has lost a great friendship, and for that I am sad. But to be honest the loss is hers. My life isn't that much different without her.....